“Telling each other and ourselves stories is a way of finding our place in history, both private and personal. It is a way of locating ourselves in the larger dialogue.”

I called a few friends & family who could cheer me up and get me out of this space, but all I seemed to get were voicemails. Immediately I heard the voice in my head say “there is no one that will listen to me” and I started to believe it!

No! I am not going to let that story hit the presses! I am stopping it now! I took action & started to change that train of thought immediately! I thought to myself “The only person that is going to inspire me is me.”

What I mean by that is that inspiration comes not from others or from things that will light me up – it has to come from within me! I have to take action & be inspired for myself. I have to be happy with myself and the way that my circumstances are!! My life is the way that it is and feeling down, sad, lonely does nothing! except leave me feeling down, sad and lonely!

So what is there to do? Well, live the moment & be truly inspired with who I am!

See lately, I have not felt like writing at all! So I inspired myself to write! I have not posted in this blog a long while, so here I am posting – anyway!

I am not going to let my old mindset take over. I love reading, so I started to read inspiring stories. I even put inspiring audiobooks in my mp3 player so I have them wherever I go!

The first person I thought of is Paulo Cuelho. He is truly inspiring to me & it’s no coincidence that this story was the first thing I opened to.

I felt I needed to share this with you.

Rebuilding The World
A father was trying to read the newspaper, but his little son kept pestering him. Finally, the father grew tired of this and, tearing a page from the newspaper – one that bore a map of the world – he cut it into several pieces and handed them to his son.

“Right, now you’ve got something to do. I’ve given you a map of the world and I want to see if you can put it back together correctly.” He resumed his reading, knowing that the task would keep the child occupied for the rest of the day.

However, a quarter of an hour later, the boy returned with the map.

“Has your mother been teaching you geography?” asked his father in astonishment.

“I don’t even know what that is,” replied the boy. “But there was a photo of a man on the other side of the page, so I put the man back together and found that I’d put the world back together too.”

– Paulo Coelho
Stories for Parents, Children and Grandchildren

Wow! Now applying that to my life – If I put myself back together again, I am causing the world to be together as well!

In healing my grief and accepting what is incomplete, I heal me! In healing myself, I allow those around me to heal themselves; they in turn allow space for those around them to heal & so on & so on….

Thereby allowing the world to heal. This concept is really empowering and I love this new perspective!

By being complete with my grief, I can allow T.E. to complete hers. (This memorial for S.M. may be the access for her to be complete). In her being complete, she may allow…

you to complete yours…

I got the domain descansos.org back!!!

Back in January, my domain was taken. I was in Peru during the renewal period and was blindly trusting that the hosting company would renewed it. I was not concerned & even had a backup plan “If there’s a problem, I will be back before the grace period is up anyway.”

Well, somehow it did not & the grace period was not honored. A ‘domain name reseller’ took it the same day it expired & I had to buy it back.

Fortunately it was not outrageously expensive but I did loose it for 2 months.

Lesson learned, forgive & forget & today descansos.org is back in action.

My excuse is: I don’t have time to do this work; plus run my business; plus preparing & creating a Forgiveness Seminar; plus being a coach; a Leader Training Leaders; plus creating an architectural presentation in Peru for a client – that doesn’t exist – but who I am inventing to enter my life; plus being father & husband to my family.

And then on top of that, keep updating this blog.

Yes, I know that it sounds like I’m complaining, And yes I am – but only as a way of getting it out of my system. OK 5 minutes of complaing are now complete! But that is not what I’m committed to doing. So I have to admit that this feeling of overwhelm comes only from my everpresent feeling of being alone & that I have to do all this alone. And in distinguishing this for myself (with the assistance of my trusty coach), I see that if I was being honest with myself, I am really not alone.

The thing that showed up for me in the last month or so, is that 3 more people in my life have passed away. This is the excuse I use to feel alone – see I have evidence now that people are leaving me. “See they left – I am alone now!” But what I am not choosing to see is that they have gone to God & are now one with the creator. Isn’t that what all faith-believing beings want? Even more on a personal level, they are not leaving ME!!!

So how do I accept and allow people into my life, so that the feeling of ‘alone-ness’ does not take me over?

Thousand-Hand Guan Yin

And that’s when this image showed up in my life. It is on YouTube & its called the Thousand-Hand Guan. I was fascinated with the quote in the description which I am recreating here:

As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart, A thousand hands will naturally come to your aid. As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart, You will reach out with a thousand hands to help others.

Guan Yin is the bodhisattva of compassion, revered by Buddhists as the Goddess of Mercy. Her name is short for Guan Shi Yin.

Guan – means to observe, watch, or monitor;
Shi – means the world;
Yin – means sounds, specifically sounds of those who suffer.

Thus, Guan Yin is a compassionate being who watches for, and responds to, the people in the world who cry out for help.

This really caught my attention! Guan Shi Yin is the “goddess with a thousand hands. She watches for those in need and has a thousand hands to help.”

Metaphorically I understand this to mean that I don’t have to do this work alone. I can rely on, and create others to be the thousand hands around me, who can assist in getting this done.

As the performer in the video could not do the dance alone. She had others, to create with her, the beautiful dance & imagery that inspired the audience & inspired me.

Another common Metaphor that comes to mind is President Bush (Senior). He used to say “A Thousand Points of Light”

I am but one point of light & together the thousand points of light can transform the world.

So now I am not alone…

I have chosen to create myself to be one with others and will continue with my commitment to have the people of the world experience – oneness with God.

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that,

but the ‘all seeing eye’ pierces through, and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn’t indicate or promise, and which the other kind couldn’t detect.

–Mark Twain

Today, I got some really sad news. SM, a friend & mentor passed away! He is a powerhouse & an inspiration for me and many other people with whom he had contact. I could not accept this news so I called a friend we had in common and I asked her… “Tell me it isn’t so!”

She replied “I can’t do that – it is so…”

This news hit me extremely hard & I broke down and cried. I don’t know why it hit me so hard. Maybe because I just saw him last night. Or maybe because it confirmed what I already knew last night.

I knew he was leaving…

You’ve heard of the expression “The eyes are the windows of the soul..” Well last night, SM’s soul was exiting out thru his windows! His soul would no longer be contained within the smallness of a human package and the light would no longer allow itself to be contained.

A bright light started emanating from his collar, his eyes and from the top of his head. I knew last night, in the middle of the event, that SM’s soul was departing but i did not want to acknowledge it.

SM shined last night, both literally & figuratively. See he managed the production of the event and was in charge of anything that happened with the facility and equipment. Well both the facility and the equipment acted up and of course SM took care of it. The evening was his and he shined. And I had the great honor to see him shine.

First – the lights started to flicker, SM runs out the door to manage it. I was sitting in the front row & to my surprise, I saw his light leaving for the first time! I tried connecting with his eyes but could not see them. The light was more like a dim glow & some glare on his glasses. As he walks out of the room, the building lights flickered, then shut off and then a few minutes latter they came on. When SM walked back in, he looked normal so I thought nothing of it. “I must be seeing things!” is what I told myself.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyqgjCKm9nQ

Then the lights decided to act up again. Alternating – one row on & nothing else, then another section & nothing else. Again SM gets up and walks out of the room. Again, as he walks in front of me, I tried to connect with his eyes. The glare was much stronger and now it was spilling out around the rims. When he came back in, he looked normal again.

The third event was the building’s fire alarm going off. Again SM gets up, walks out and this time it was not glare, but a strong and beautiful light emanating from him. I could see the light emanating from his eyes and reflected off his glasses. It was so consistent that it blocked me from seeing his eyes. All I could see is a shine around his eyes, a reflected back image on the lens and a halo around his head. Wow!

Finally, at the end of the evening SM & his crew were called to the front to be acknowledged and in that moment, before he stood up, the halo & the glow around his face pulled off towards the ceiling!

The glow left him!

He was now complete as he was being acknowledged. He was free to go and left completely fulfilled.

Within hours his body completed it’s purpose and at 10:15pm, SM was no longer on this earth. That evening SM’s life was completed in a fatal car accident. He went on to shine on out in the universe…

He was an amazing powerhouse & a beautiful soul shining and giving love to everyone he met. Shine on you crazy diamond…

[This is a repost from dreamscapes.psolis.com - where I have posted a full tribute to S.M. For the many that knew him, please read...]

I can’t say that I know what they are going thru – because I really don’t know. I feel saying “I’m sorry about your loss” seems insufficient. I am truly sorry, but what difference does that really make for them.

Words sometimes feel so inadequate – they can’t convey true feelings. But I feel that something must be done to let them know I’m there for them.

Well let me share this story to see if this makes a difference for you – it did for me: (UPDATE: I replaced the previous story – which I received in an email – with this one that has a quotable source.)

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

“Nothing … I just helped him cry.”

Just listened & help him cry. Sometimes this is all we need to do. “Doing” is the easy way. Sure we can “do” something to make them feel better, but it is more difficult to decide to just “be with” that person.

Words or actions are not required to touch the heart.

“I think, therefore I am”
– Rene Descartes

Lately the circumstance of the world is what everybody is talking about. The financial crisis is affecting millions, including me. What everybody is dwelling on is the fear of the unknown.

But what I learned from this simple quote is that – what I am thinking is what I am creating as my reality. Allowing the negativity of the news and others is what I have been creating for me.

So no wonder I have been feeling – blah!

No I am not suggesting to make believe that the world is great & rosy. No don’t make believe that nothing is going on & that the grief will disappear. What I am suggesting is that the negativity of what is going on is – optional. I don’t have to choose it!

So this is what I’ve been pissed at: A few months age, the state of Florida removed all ‘unauthorized’ roadside memorials from the side of state highways. They put up warnings and when the period expired, they removed every flower, every teddy bear, every cross and decoration to be found. The only thing left was the ‘authorized’ generic lollipop ‘drive safely’ symbol that the state puts up. I was pissed & saying to myself “why would the state be so heartless?”

So I got stuck in that for about a month or two. I was mad, upset & pissed that there would not be anymore ‘interesting’ memorials to photograph. You’ve seen one lollipop – you’ve seen them all. What made them interesting, for me at least, was the personality that each family expressed of themselves. The choice in pieces to place. Some people put teddy bears, other put beer bottles. Anything that expressed who the person was for that family.

One family kept a different bottle of Arizona Ice Tea on a monthly rotation. Some families put plastic flowers that got replaced when faded, while others put real flowers. A new colorful bloom every week.

I waited for the news reports of pissed off families, upset that the state would do such a thing. To my surprise – nothing!

“What nobody is pissed at this!?” Then what I saw next caught me by surprise!

Driving down the highway, one of the lollipops that was stripped of its personally for months, all of a sudden had a wreath wrapped around the head. A few miles down the road a memorial that used to have a 5′ long surfboard now has a small surfboard-shaped plaque and a nice,simple bouquet of flowers.

Little by little a few of the stripped memorials have their personality again. The flowers are back; the crosses showed up again and so did the teddy bears. Smaller & more subtle, maybe symbolic of the diminishing levels of grief, but they are back.

What I realized is that I am holding on to the anger of my grief. I have not moved on. I used to think that these are symbols of grief and of loss – but I am now realizing that they represent the endurance, resilience & hope of our humanity.

We will always survive, no matter the circumstances, or trials & tribulations that life throws at us – we will endure! And we will heal.

I think “I will endure” – therefore I will!

I like what Cool Hand Luke said:

“Rest if you are tired,
yet do not cease your Divine work.”

I have had personal tribulations, but I see now that I have allowed them to become excuses to keep me from staying on my path. So enough with the “why have I not..” and just get to it!!

So I want to start, on this day before Thanksgiving, by creating a pattern of gratitude for myself. This pattern will allow me to focus on the positive and will allow me to take responsibility for my level of happiness.

I am grateful for (in no particular order):

1. The people in my life. Family, friends & acquaintances. Those that love me; those that walk with me; those that wake me up when I lose my way; and those that shove me back onto my path.

2. Everybody that I meet. For they provide a unique experience in my life. The good ones, the bad ones the happy ones, the sad ones. They are all, equally important, companions on this journey we call life.

3. The trials & tribulations of life, for they teach us the value of who we are and what we have become.

4. My wife, son & dog. They are my everything. They fill my day with joy, laughter and love. I included my dog because I considered him a challenge & didn’t like him much. See we got him from the pound “for my son” was the reasoning, and he was unruly. My son & I have trained him & now he is ‘normal.’ He is loving and attentive even when I don’t want him around. Well I gotta love him for never giving up on me. He knew I would come around some day.

5. Health & Happiness. Thankfully my family & I are healthy & happy.

6. Waking up this morning. Everyday is a gift & a blessing from God. I cannot worry if tomorrow will come, I just have to enjoy the NOW. I will let the past go & be free of needing to have the future look a certain way.

7. Music. It carries me when I am down and caresses me when I am lonely. It makes me happy and fills my heart with song.

8. Fun, Joy & Love. No explanation required! These definately make life a lot easier.

9. My computer & the Internet. It allows me to create an inner circle that is much bigger then even I can imagine. For example, you are reading this & I may not know who you are, but now we have something in common. We are united by these words & these thoughts. Please leave me a comment & let me know that you were here (even anonymously).

10. God. My creator and companion. He guides me and with brilliant colors, paints the path so that I can see the way.

I was just in the process of finalizing my decision to start the Baby Grace Foundation Non-profit. I was starting to make contacts so that I can register it with the state of Florida. The thoughts running thru my head AT THIS VERY MOMENT was “the reason I am doing this foundation is to give discarded babies a name, a proper burial rite & to aide their spirits to ascend to God.” Basically I want Baby Grace’s life & death to be remembered with dignity.

Spiritually I had a visual image of Jesus holding Baby Grace in his arms and I imagined how beautiful it would be to know that she will eternally be cared for. BUT as a human being my thoughts were of doubting myself. Is this foundation thing going to work? What will people think of the idea of focusing on dead babies? BLAH, BLAH, BLAH… that self-doubt that my little voice runs constantly.

Just as I was starting to believe my self-doubting little voice, I heard the chime of my Outlook, letting me know that I got an email. A friend just sent me this image of exactly how I had visualized Baby Grace in Jesus’ arms.

She sent me a message that was inspired from above – “Do It!”

To extend this idea further another suggestion was to look at it as ‘milestones’ in your life. Sit down and remembering the significant milestones. Celebrate the joys and mourn the losses of life. CalmEagle’s blog suggests “Just as our ancestors drew on the walls of caves and sat around the campfires telling stories of triumph and tragedy we can engage in the transformative process of using story to help us.”

I like this idea! Looking at my life and celebrate my joys, along with mourning my losses as a release of the grief, but most of all as a celebration of life.

This seems like a good way to heal the past.